Veterans Day

When I think of Veterans Day, I think of Wayne. He left the coal mines of West Virginia to enlist in the military and serve in Vietnam. And as hard and calloused as his life could have made him, he is one of the most tender people we know. Quiet and soft spoken, he is a lover of folk and country music, old timey Westerns, and most of all his wife, Cindy.

Cindy and Wayne have become like adopted grandparents to our children. Cindy, a retired school teacher, reads with our children on video calls once a week. And when there is a package at the door, the immediate assumption is that it is from Cindy and Wayne. They are always sending our kids books, cards, and holiday treats like Easter baskets, Halloween outfits, and Christmas stockings. I joke that they are our Easter Bunny, Santa Clause and Guardian Angels wrapped into one. 

Several years ago, our daughter Charley interviewed Wayne for her school project on Veterans Day. They talked about the different branches of military and which one Wayne was a part of (the Air Force). They talked about the best part of the experience (comradery and deep bonds). Charley asked about food and Wayne explained MREs (Meals Ready to Eat) and said he really liked it when they got SPAM. When she asked about the hardest part, it was getting shot at and seeing people die. And, as hard as that was to hear, it was expected. 

What I didn’t expect was hearing Wayne’s answer to the final question. 

“What was it like to come home?” 

“It was hard. We looked forward to it for so long, but people didn’t like the war and when we got back they made us feel bad for being there. I came back and felt like I didn’t belong here. No one said ‘Welcome Home.’”

It hurts my heart to think of someone serving in the military for four years, living off MREs and SPAM, being shot at and seeing close friends die, then coming home and feeling unwelcome… like he didn’t belong. 

I think of Wayne on Veterans Day because of how important he is in our lives. And because Veterans Day also happens to be his birthday. (Happy Birthday, Wayne!) And because, no matter how you feel about the United States Military or international conflicts or modern war, we must remember that the soldiers who are serving our country are also humans. For some it’s the best choice and for others it’s their only choice, but regardless of how and why they enrolled, they are leaving behind friends and family, sacrificing comfort, and putting their lives at risk - for us. They deserve to feel welcome. They need to know they belong. 

Now, Wayne is going through a different battle. He has been diagnosed with dementia. Everyone who knows him wants to wish or pray or treat it away. But we can’t. Instead, I pray that for someone who served in Vietnam, worked forty years at a coal mine, and has already buried his first wife and his son, that the first thing to go is the pain. And that he can keep his promise to Cindy. The one he keeps saying over and over, “I’ll never forget how much I love you.” 

So happy, heavy, heartfelt Veterans Day. Thank you to everyone who is serving our country in the armed forces. Thank you to everyone who has served. You are welcome here. You belong. And we will never forget how much we love you.